The clock on the wall is one of the many sounds that decorates the otherwise bland room. It's irritatingly complimented by the man who sits across from me, idly fumbling with his zipper on his cheap windbreaker, the monotonous hum of the heating system, the buzzing my phone is influencing on the muted radio next to me, and the occasional sob that breaks the protective barrier of what are meant to be soundproof walls. My therapist is running 20 minutes behind, but those sobs explain why. Whoever it is, they need the time more than I do. Because this week is different, I'm gushing with positivity.

A woman with stringy brown hair, and a tear streaked face will leave the room, followed by my therapist. Welcoming me warmly. She's nice. I was lucky to find her. It wasn't easy.

In her office, I'll sit down on my usual spot on the couch. I contemplate my position, upright or laying down? Right, center, or left? Yes, I spend much time contemplating even the most irrelevant matters. But all the time spent won't matter in the end because each week I park my ass in it's usual spot. I'll fumble with my thumbs a bit, starting each week off is almost like a virgins first time. You've seen other people doing the same thing, but you just can't put that into play on the spot. And I am definitely on the spot. I'll give my copay, she'll sift a few papers around on her desk, and I'll take advantage of the sweet time I have before all the attention is turned to me.

I wonder what she sees when she looks at me. I wonder if her day just looks like a slow motion flip book of people sitting in the same spot as me each day. I wonder if shed rather be getting her bone marrow extracted with no anesthesia than dealing with us. I suppose that's typical of a misanthropist like myself to assume.

But like I said, this week is different.
This week I don't sit there in excruciatingly awkward silence trying to mentally conjure up something to talk about. This week I immediately share the details of my gold key award. This is big, it's a contest hosted by Scholastic, and I've had my whole portfolio selected. My teacher broke the news to me that afternoon. Catching me completely off guard with a huge congratulatory announcement to the whole class, followed by a round of applause. She went on to describe how the most notorious art student of last years senior class had only had two out of eight of his works selected, and still reaped many prize benefits, such as a partial scholarship. I am floored at this point. I still don't know what I've won exactly, but I do know it's something big. I could get a complete scholarship seeing as how this contest and School of Visual Arts are closely affiliated. In addition to all of that, I get a piece of work of my choice to hang up in the Brooklyn Museum, and I go on to nationals. Fucking A.

Then there's mention of how well my job interview went at Dolphin Fitness, and how I'd love to get the job there more than anywhere. Unlike working in a CVS, working at a gym is something I could enjoy.

I then stray into the subject of how last weekend my computer finally hit the wall due to the disgusting amounts of hentai porn my brother engages himself in late at night. I was the brave soul who decided to put up with Dell over the phone not once, not twice, but three times. Each call lasted over an hour and a half. I'm grateful that they were nice though, otherwise the whole experience would've been hell. First We tried to get rid of the virus that was on the computer, even though I insisted we format it, because I knew that it would result in having to do it anyway. So after trying to get the virus removed by two different technicians through phone and dellconnect, I finally get through to them that I want my computer formatted and YES I UNDERSTAND ALL MY DATA WILL BE LOST. I need to refresh it anyway. 250 bucks, complete format, some new memory chips, a kickass virus protection software, and my brothers banishment off the computer later, and it's like having a new computer. I restocked all my music, photos, and text documents. Only restocking what I know I'd use. Unlike the old computer where tons of music and pictures laid idly having no use. It's like a big detox. And I like that I was able to do it.

This week we talk about other things. We even share some laughs. I don't think that's ever happened in a session before. I left happy. I want all of my sessions to go like this from now on.

I invested in an ipod yesterday. But I was too cheap to get a much needed case. But really, 30 bucks for a shitty unreliable peice of rubber? I'll make one, thanks.
And I think would like to get a MacBook for school. Decisions, decisions.